Junk of the Heart

I too often as of late find myself daydreaming about love and romance. I suppose, this in itself is not an actual problem. The problem is that I have spent years telling myself that for love to come your way you have to be independent from love-or rather you have to not think of love.

I have often found that it is when I'm not looking for love that I often stumble across it-er, rather some form of it. Because, let's face it my dating track record isn't one to brag about, but I have always found that when one is looking for love a person gets so caught up in the details they miss the person in front of them.

Lately, I've been realizing more and more though that perhaps my real problem is that I am far to good at being independent, alone. I am constantly busy and constantly surrounded by my friends so I often find those few precious moments alone a rare treasure. I am also incapable of finding anyone interesting. For me the connection can't be just physical, it has to be mental as well. I often find myself completely bored when talking to men. Although, that could be because most of the time I'm conversing with them at a bar.

Point being is I'm impossible to please and I always want what I don't have. When a guy is interested me I'm simply not interested in him. But, when no one is flirting with me my brain is all "longwalksintheparkchocolatesunshinehandholdinglove". It's a constant paradox.

I can't help but wonder what is the point? Then I take a step back and wonder if I'm just being to picky or if I'm just being anxious. The truth is I've always been a hopeless romantic. I've always dreamed of being the girl who gets the guy, the girl that turns heads when she walks in a room. For most of my life I severely lacked the confidence to be that girl yet, now that I have some of it I'm still totally bored. I just want a baggage free man for once. And yes I realize the irony of that statement and that I'm basically saying I want to marry a unicorn. Maybe, we all have some baggage but I refuse to believe that all the men capable of having healthy relationships are currently off the market. The real question is, am I focusing to much on the details and missing an obvious person in front of me? Have I too quickly looked over all the guys I've blown off? Or is dating really always this frustrating? I think I'll just go back to enjoying my life, with my schedule this semester I probably don't have time to date anyways.