I spend most of early January and early February dreading Valentines day. It's easy to get disheartened and depressed by the influx of Hallmark induced "love" whenever store you enter is decked out in a flourish of giant pink and red heart balloons, roses and chocolates. It is easy to feel incredibly alone when all you see around are flashes of happy and "in love" couples. It is easy to close your heart off and get angry.
I am no stranger to the feeling of loneliness and despair that Valentines day is capable of bringing. In middle school and high school it was gut wrenching seeing the halls lined with girls caring giant (and honestly hideous) teddy bears, balloons and flowers. The halls echoed with their joyous cries of love and excitement but left a cold and lonely feeling in their wake. I remember siting in class as student council entered my homeroom to hand out Valentine-grams. I remember the faint spark of hope that I would receive one. And the bitter disappointment that left a rotten taste in my mouth every time I came up empty. It wasn't that I never received presents from my friends and my parents always made the day special but it was easy to forget about them and focus on the bitter fact that I was alone.
The best valentines day I ever had was my senior year of high school. I was part of a mentoring program called PALS. One of the groups I mentored was a kindergarden class so on V-day I was excused from my sixth period so I could join their class party. I made them presents and cupcakes and I felt an overwhelming amount of love when their 25 faces rushed to meet me. They introduced me to their parents and flocked around me like I was "Hannah Montana" whom they had decided I looked like because of my hair color. It was over-all a day full of love and happiness and I never once felt sad that I didn't have a boyfriend. I had so much other love in my life that a lack of significant other seemed meaningless.
This year I found myself going down the bitter spiral again. I have often found valentines day to be a stupid concept because I believe you should always show people you love them. Not just on a day advertised by Hallmark but,every day. And I think we often forget that. Valentines day makes it so easy to show someone you love them Hallmark has given you all the tools you need and even a specified day to do it. But, when happens the other 364 days of the year? The problems you had before Valentines day will not be solved by chocolates and roses. Nor will a well picked out card with words of love written by someone other than you, make up for all the other days when you neglect your significant other. Valentines day hinders us from showing each other we care.
But that isn't even the real issue with V-day. The issue is it highlights only one aspect of love. It fosters the misconception that romantic love is the most important and only love that matters. It forgets to include the love we share with our friends and family. Those kinds of love are equally important and often the defining loves in our life. Our friends and family nurture us. They hold our hands and tuck us into bed at night. They pick us up when we are scared they cry with us when we are sad, stuff their faces with chocolate, plan elaborate schemes to bring justice against anyone who has hurt us. They reason with us when we are being stupid and always tell us the truth. These are the loves that carry us through life and yet when Valentines day rolls around they are forgotten and cast to the dust. We say we are alone because one type of love is missing from out lives. But we are not alone we are simply viewing all the love in our lives as insignificant. It isn't insignificant.
I spent the week leading up to V-day drinking wine, eating chocolate, watching John Hughes movies and staying in my really cute pajamas. And somewhere during that I realized not only do I love myself. My family and friends love me. My mom and even my Aunt sent me gifts. And when V-day rolled around I found I wasn't sad at all but rather happy and blessed. I have amazing friends and an amazing family. I had so much love in my life so why was I feeling so sad and bitter for all those years? Because Hallmark tells us that if you don't have someone then you have nothing. Well Hallmark you're wrong and I think you need re-market your holiday to include all facets of love.
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