"We accept the love we think we deserve. "

"So J is coming up again this weekend?" I asked.

"Yeah I planned a get together at M's house" H replied.

"That's interesting..." I said.

"What we're just friends" she replied. "I'm just saying you said last weekend was the last time you would see him for awhile and now you're planning a get together so he can come up? And you've spent three out of the past four weekends with him".

"Oh my god I won't bring him over if it bothers you so much." H said.

"It doesn't bother me, I'm just making an observation."

I let the words hang in the air, not daring to continue the conversation anymore. I knew it would only upset H further and truthfully she hadn't asked for my opinion nor was she open to listening to my point. And truthfully I was a little concerned by the situation. H had been hanging out with her ex-boyfriend for the past month claiming they were just friends despite the fact that they had acted on their residual feeling a few times.

It's not that I think there is anything wrong with rekindling an old flame it's simply that the reason's H broke up with J still exist. H isn't ready to settle down and although she repeatedly tells J this, she still runs back to him instead of moving forward. I'm no stranger to how hard it is to let go of someone we love but I worry that in the long run she is setting her self up to get hurt.

H isn't the only one who has the problem of moving on. One of my good friends Em often asks me "why can't I get over R? Why does he still affect me? He obviously doesn't care or want me so why can't I get over him?"

The solution should be simple and she's right R never had any respect for her nor did he deserve her affection. Yet, she still felt compelled to him despite his obvious lack of love her.

I'm no stranger to this situation looking back on everyone I've every dated I find myself wondering if anyone of them ever truly respected me? I fear that the resounding answer is a No. I've always been the girl whose hopelessly more "in love" with the guy. I've never been the girl at the end of the movie who the guy runs up to, grabs by the arms and screams "Michelle, it's always been you. I never knew what love felt like until I met you." He seals this triumph with a passionate kiss.

But that has never been my reality. I've always been the one on the sidelines the one who the guy never sees or if he does it only seems to be briefly. I know some of my own commitment issues and fears have held back my relationships. But when I think about the guys I've dated and the one's I've really cared about they've all treated me like trash. I'm easily disposable. In fact, when my last boyfriend broke up with me his reasoning was "You're just a mess and if stayed with you I would just end up babysitting and i don't have time for that."

The really funny part of that is I sat and listened to all his dysfunctional crap. I listened when he talked about his depression or his issues with his parents. I barely complained when he sort of disappeared into his head for two days and worried endlessly for the few days he was off his meds and wasn't feeling himself. And yet the one time I confided in him, the one time I broke down his response was to leave me.

i wasn't in love with him and our relationship wouldn't have gone very far. But nothing makes you feel more worthless than showing your soul to someone, exposing your fears and vulnerabilities to them only to have them spit in your face. It was so out of left field he gave no indication that he lacked respect for me. I believed the cheap lines he fed me about how "I was different and special" because that's what every girl wants to hear and yet when I needed him most he didn't care or respect me enough to stick around.

He isn't the first boy to treat me this way in fact even from my very first boyfriend all the guys I've really cared about have shown almost no regard for me. My first boyfriend after we broke up had constant conversations with my best friend about how he loved me and regretted breaking up with me. Every day for a year after we broke up I waited for the day he would come up to me and tell me himself. However, I later found out it was a cruel joke.

I am not the first girl to be made a fool of this way I am sure. Throughout high school and college I have seen my friends all fall to similar fates giving to much to someone who cares so little?

There is a scene from Perks of Being the Wallflower where Sam asks Charlie "Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing?" Charlie responds with "We accept the love we think we deserve."

And if that's true then the real question is: Why do my friends and I think we deserve less than we actually do? I think relatively highly of myself. I have a high set of standards and goals for myself so why when I comes to love do I pick people who don't respect me the way I do? Why do we all chose people who don't deserve or appreciate us? What are we so afraid of that we settle for less than what we deserve? Sometimes I fear I may never know the answer and that certainly scares me.